Cavemen vs. Astronauts

If cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win? Spike and Angel (the two main characters from the tv series Angel) have a passionate, 40-minute argument over this; Spike supports the cavemen and Angel, the astronauts. Many thanks to Joss Whedon for this!!

Spike: I am talking about something primal. Right? Savagery. Brutal animal instinct.
Angel: And that wins out every time with you. You know, the human race has evolved, Spike!
Spike: Oh, into a bunch of namby-pamby, self-analyzing wankers who could never hope to—
Angel: We’re bigger. We’re smarter. Plus, there’s a thing called teamwork, not to mention the superstitious terror of your pure aggressors!

(P.S. – No weapons allowed)

Scenario 1: The cavemen see the astronauts. The cavemen attack. The astronauts die.
Scenario 2: The cavemen see the astronauts. The astronauts attack. The astronauts die.
Scenario 3: The cavemen see the astronauts. The astronauts run. The cavemen attack. The astronauts die.
Scenario 4: The astronauts play mind games (see: psychological warfare) on the cavemen. They turn the cavemen against each other. The cavemen fight among themselves. The cavemen die.

In spite of the glaring obviousness of the cavemen’s victory in the first three scenarios, I support the astronauts.

If it comes down to physical strength, the cavemen will win, no doubt about that. But, like Angel says, we have evolved to have bigger brains. All the astronauts have to do to keep the first three scenarios from happening, is distract the cavemen. We can’t ignore the paranoia of the near-wild cavemen. If the astronauts make loud banging noises and showcase how terrifying they are, the cavemen will easily be scared. It will give the astronauts time to think, or even run away themselves.
And if astronauts are as intelligent as they appear to be, they might just be able to tackle the cavemen using something they are better at, i.e – their intelligence. They can make complex plans of action that the cavemen’s underdeveloped brains couldn’t even begin to figure out. All this assuming that they can keep the cavemen from attacking them for long enough. Which they will, as the astronauts must be physically trained in some way; they won’t be scrawny little boys. All the astronauts need to do is run and hide away till they can put their smart plans into action. I’d say ‘Brain over Brawn’ any day.

And yet, if you really think about it, if you put the classic caveman known to us against the classic astronaut viz. Fred Flintstone against George Jetson; it would be a miracle if Jetson managed to survive for more than a couple of minutes.

What do you think? Cavemen or Astronauts??

(On a nearly unrelated note, this is my 50th post on this blog! Yay me!! I wonder how I’ll celebrate this…)

2 thoughts on “Cavemen vs. Astronauts”

  1. Are u serious? Cavemen FTW!! Cavemen beat the astronauts duh. They won't get to open their mouths before the cavemen devour them; figuratively cuz i dont think cavemen were cannibals. Were they?


  2. Wow, I have no idea!! But, see the astronauts are probably taught to think on their feet! If they can float around in space without dying, I don't see a problem in coming up with something as easy as 'Run!!!' when you see cavemen!!


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